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Archive for the ‘funnyshit’ Category

The end of the world didn’t happen, but the machine everyone feared broke.. Large Hadron Collider down for 2 months Was it running Windows Vista? Did they install Norton??

I know .. I know .. bad joke..

Growing ‘tent cities’ blamed on foreclosure crisis this sucks.. I can’t even make a joke about this cause this is just horrible.. Then I realized the headline was not in reference to this tent city I was thinking.. first batman .. now this??

It’s still fucked up .. with or with out the joke..

A friend of mine from work needed to get his 120 gig hard drive formatted in Fat32. Well as we all know Windows tends to not make things easy. It will allow you only to choose format in NTFS on any drive larger then 32 Gig. He challenged me that I could not get the drive formatted so naturally I had to prove him wrong..

After a little bit of research I will tell you this.. you find entries on how to format the drive in fat32 from a command prompt. Fuck that… get Acronis Disk Director and all your problems are solved.

So I am sure if you read my posts I work with computers for a living. Whether it is selling them, fixing them, or teaching young padawans how the become a Jedi like myself.

I am helping customers and a lady walks up to me in the computer department and asks me; “Do you sell computers here?” I shit you not. I was confused how she missed the fact she was surrounded by computers and was speaking to someone whom had computers written on their name tag.

It was amazing… and the fact I knew she operated a vehicle to get there worried me even more.

It was nice out today .. which made all the hotties wear nice revealing clothing.. unfortunately the card carrying members of the celulite clan felt the need to share their asses off as well.

Speaking of work I had a few minutes to kill today so I decided to play with the bluetooth printers we have. I successfully set up my treo to send pictures to the printer and print them off with out messing with a computer. Now this would be cool if I were the type of person to want to print a lot of pictures.. but it will be cool to demonstrate.

I am still working on the best solution for streaming music over the internet. I have found a couple of solutions which will work with my notebook. Now I am trying to find a way to stream it through my phone.

That would be nails… Has anyone been successful with doing this? I would love to hear how if you have done it.

Tomorrow night is inventory… now unlike inventories I did at Radioshack this one is probably going to be like every store I did at the shack combined. There is going to be so much shit to do!! OMG!

At least I am not counting, I am leading.. which could be bad too… *laughs*

I woke up to Vanessa exclaiming how there is a bird stuck in the chimney! Being a first time chimney owner I was a bit stumped on what to do.. Vanessa went to work, and I went back to sleep.

After a nice long rest I wake up around ten thirty. I go downstairs, turn on the TV and I hear flapping of some wings coming from the chimney. I head over towards the chimney and I start messing with the lever to see if the hatch is open or closed.. hoping that the bird would be smart enough to see it was either opened or closed. If the latch was open the bird would fly out… I was wrong..

I call the landlord to have them come deal with the problem since my only other option was to start a fire in the fireplace. 1st. It would either motivate the bird to leave or it would get cooked to death. 2nd. It would suck because in the middle of summer starting a fire in the fireplace is not exactly the best idea.. and when the bird was crispy it would more then likely stink up the house… bad idea there too..

Just after dinner this evening and waiting for the landlords to show up, Vanessa comments; “I am just waiting for that bird to fly through the living room.. I would just shit.” Just as she finished that sentence I shit you not.. the bird flew right out of the fire place and into the living room. Vanessa yelped and I laughed… I managed to follow the bird into Ami’s room and I closed the door behind me. The girls were on the other side all freaking out shit.. I knocked out the screen in the window and the bird flew out of the room and back out into the world… but not before it hit the window above the opened one. It was a chuckle..

I read this on another site and wanted to share incase you lived in a cave.. Edgy comic George Carlin dies at 71. I could reference many movies.. or skits but like before I think I will pass on this and just say Bummer…

Yesterday, someone told me they hate it when bill collectors call them asking for money… With out a beat I replied.. pay your bills and they will quit calling.. *laughs* I bring this up because I forgot to pay my sprint bill… *laughs* I am sure that person owed more then forty dollars…

Since there has not been in my opinion jack shit on TV I have set the DVR to record old favorites such as Nash Bridges, etc. While about to fast forward through the commercials (god bless DVR), I saw a commercial where you can *cough* send off unwanted jewelry (gold) in a super cool envelope and you sit on your stoop.. by the mail box…and they will send you money for your gold?

Color me stupid and sign me up!! I am not sure which question to follow this up with… how stupid do they think people are??? or how fucking stupid are people to send off their unwanted jewelry and hope for the best? I’m not making this shit up!! Here is the website.. CASH4GOLD

I am still laughing at this!!

Here is one of my favorites in the TAC… “Cash4Gold reserves the right, in its sole discretion, to reject delivery of any mail, envelope or package which appears to be damaged, opened, or tampered with and any such mail, envelope or package will be returned by the post office to the customer. Cash4Gold shall have no liability to any customer for any such attempted delivery or return of any such items.”

and then there is this one… “A customer who wishes to submit a claim to Cash4Gold must wait at least sixty (60) days before submitting a claim form. ” I am sorry .. but I have better things to do then sit by a mailbox waiting for sixty days..

I could go on and on with this one .. on the other hand.. I could see people in the hood hanging out in the city robbing people of their jewelry and then mail it off for some cash!! But then again.. they might get caught or identified while sitting on the stoop waiting for their check…

Off and on for the last few weeks I have been trying to find a simple less gay way for me to be able to access my itunes securely over the internet so I can jam out to my music while I am sitting in front of Ami’s dance place or at the internet cafe, whatever..

Some how I found this website, Simplify Media it allows me to set up an account on my desktop at home, then I install a client on my notebook. Then I load itunes on my notebook, and it will load my entire play list from my itunes at home.

It’s pretty freakin sweet!! Finally if you have friends with this installed on their computer you can invite them and you can share your play lists over the internet with them, and vice versa…

Check it out…

A couple of weeks ago I decided after almost four years of service I terminated my account with Sirius satellite radio. If you have been a reader on here for a while, you should remember the battles I had with Sirius most notably them losing my credit card. Anyway I figure since I do not have my truck or a solid mode of transportation or a working radio receiver, I would cancel my subscription.

After being on hold forever and playing hell trying to get to the correct extension I just decided to say; “fuck it”. The woman I spoke to on the phone was even an bitch and didn’t even seem to really care I was canceling so whatever.

With in the last two weeks, they have called my mothers phone (as it was the number I gave them for contact.. hee hee) at least three times, and I have received two emails from them asking me to come back. Amused by how crappy my experiences have been with them I decided to write them a brief response to their email. In short I asked why I should come back? Why only after I have left does anyone in their company give a shit about me being a customer? It is going to take them more then giving me two months of service to want to come back.

Through work I can get a hell of a deal on XM receivers and I believe a discount on the services so Sirius is going to have to give me some head for me to want to return.

Recently I was doing some cleaning and I found a boom box cd / tape player. After the wife, kid and I agreed there was really no use for it. I thought my mother would want it since she likes to listen to music while she is at work. When I gave her the radio yesterday the first thing out of her mouth was not thank you, fuck you, it was, “Does this thing work?” I guess it was kind of a fuck you… but still.. At first I told her, “Nope but when I think of my love for you busted ass radio’s come to mind.”

Oh yeah.. and have you ever seen a computer with over 30,000 infections? I have…

HOW IN THE FUCK???!!!! Do you get that many infections on your computer??? I was in tears laughing so hard!! I am sure the owner of this computer didn’t find it near as amusing as I did …

If they had this .. they would have been protected?

I doubt it….

LOL … they probably would have had more infections with Norton on there if that was even possible… or did they already have Norton… I am sure this person learned a very expensive lesson.

Brad Renfro dead.. in the article there is a quote; “He was working hard on his sobriety” If he has tried harder he wouldn’t be worm food..

Scott Baio is 46 and pregnant.. now I would have rather read something like Scott Baio is taking a dirt nap with Brad Renfro rather then him receiving another reality show about his non committing worthless ass. Seriously how low can you go? I guess if people will watch and the money is right… I still vote dirt nap.

Police Fire Tear Gas.. hit CNN reporter.. Glad the person firing had good aim… I am sure the reporter was crying about it for a long time.. if I launched the gas I would be in tears laughing.

*laughs* Man I am on a roll!!

So . anyway.. my attempts at being a lazy ass and setting up my old broken assed lcd screen notebook in my entertainment center has been temporarily thwarted. I guess I really am going to have to break down and purchase an adapter to convert VGA to video.. it’s not something I really want to do.. only because I do not want to drive clear across town to get what I need, and I am not purchasing a new TV just so I can hook up a PC to it via VGA so I can play emulators I rarely play anyway.

If you have not seen this clip you definitely need to check this shit out.. it’s a scream.. Girl Dancing Dog Humping

That’s it!! Peace out!

Some how I stumbled onto this article and I thought to myself, well DUH! Spice Girls Talk about Eating Disorders.. Seriously anyone who would be surprised by this really needs to just be pulled out into the street and shot.

How can you not think those stupid ass skinny bitches were lacking nutrition? I bet they could give some tips to the Olsen twins on how to yak your meals but not look like you crawled out of a grave…

Anyway…

Still playing bully a lot, instead of really focusing on the missions I have enjoyed beating the crap out of the greasers, the bullies, and that bitch in the principals office. I am not for hurting women, but nailing her with a projectile from a slingshot makes me laugh… I know … I know.. I am one fucked up individual… *shrugs*

When I am not beating the crap out of people on Bully, I have been playing around on the internet finding once again more ways to add cool shit to my phone. Lately I have been checking out cellfiles, not as resourceful as ringerpost, but since ringer post is gone and these guys are attempting to give it a fair shot as a resource for cool phone shit I will frequent them,

This looks like it could be a fun investment my excuse absence to bad I am one of those people whom have a conscience and usually goes to work when my asshole is leaking, nose is running, and would rather be beaten down and bludgeoned to death by a windows 98 how to hard back edition users manual then deal with some assclown whom wants to argue with me about how non authentic copies of windows is bad…

Which reminds me..

I had some fried rice looking mother fucker today argue with me about how it is my problem his copy of windows gets a pop up letting him know his copy of Windows is not genuine. I explained to him he needed to contact microsuck since I have no control over those kinds of issues. He tried to pull the warranty card and we would be liable but then I explained the warranty mentioned was through the manufacture not us.

He started to act all big and bad and raising his voice, I asked him to calm down and lower his voice or he could take his busted ass non genuine copy of windows having computer and go on a new search to find someone whom would give a shit about his problem. He opted for shutting the fuck up, taking the number and mentions at the end he cannot access wireless connections.. ok once again I cant test crap on a non genuine copy of windows because well there are a lot of reasons from we can’t service it to we can’t warrant the work, no liable, etc.

I wrote up a repair claim and I am sending his computer to the repair center so they can then ship the unit back telling him the same thing I told him to do. Call Microsoft… some people are so fucking stupid. If his copy of windows is genuine they will help him out, if it’s not purchase one, or find a source that provides free genuine copies and shut the hell up!!!

Anyway… this week I have been acting as the interim HNIC since my boss is in Wichita learning how to do his job better. It’s been a pretty decent week all things consider.

Too bad he is coming back.. there are days I really want to just kick his ass..

I hope you enjoyed my violent post. Blame it on the fact I have had a major case of the shits this evening..

PEACE!!

I find it amazing how I went from the guy at work asking a couple of people where they were getting their programs from for their Treo 700 to now becoming the guy the same people are asking me where I found my shit.

It’s an egoistical thing… I am aware of that.. but let’s face it.. when you are good.. you are just good.. ya know!!!!

So… I installed some sort of palm globe… alarm clock thingy… a call recording software.. (I think it has voice dial too), dope wars, Geek Dictionary, VNC, SimCity… Oh yeah!! And a VOODOO DOLL!! *maniacal laugh* that was my favorite….

I think I may have found a recording software for my phone too which may suit my needs. I think that and mobi tv and I very well could be set.

I was disappointed to learn I the copy of Grand Theft Auto I found for the Treo didn’t work. I am unsure how successful that would have been to play anyway but the reactions from work would have been priceless.

My daughter informed me the druggie is in jail again for violation of his probation. I asked her if she knew why, but her grandma wouldn’t really tell her. The only other thing her grandma told her was; “Her parents (Ami’s/ Me and Vanessa) should be pleased to hear that.”

I shrugged and told Ami to inform her grandmother that news was the best Christmas gift I could have received. Ami then showed me a box of soap and shampoo and asked me if she thought we should send it to the druggie.. I just started laughing hysterically for two reasons, the irony… and my daughter had no idea what she was actually suggesting.

It was classic… you got to love kids.

Anyway… I think I am going to take my nerd ass to bed now. I need to catch up on some sleep.

I saw this banner and my first thought was WTF? When has Vanilla Ice been a star since his crash and burn in the early nineties..

Did I miss something? Last time I checked Ice was still a loser!!!

I have the pictures I mentioned posted in the pictures section.. (they were the ones from the power outage and some ice pictures from the trees and shit.)

The last couple of days I have been out on the sales floor helping other departments sell items, ring up customers at the cash lanes, etc. It has been a nice change of pace from the norm. Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t want to dick with sales on a regular basis again.. at least not right now. It was nice however to remind myself and others around I still had it in me… Alas tomorrow I will be returning to the precinct… I’m ok with that too…

We have an employee whom never stays in his department. Because he is so short he is hard to find, so my GM tied a balloon to the back of his belt. It was a rather funny site to see a balloon moving around through the isles in the store. I snapped a picture and he didn’t seem to pleased about it … *shrugs*

I dig the new smart list in iTunes… well it may or may not be new to some but I have not noticed it until I recently added more music to my computer… it’s a lot easier to update the playlists as opposed to having to recreate them… *shrugs*

I think that is it … once again I have provided you with a semi useless post.

After losing the argument over having a real tree or a fake one, Vanessa picked up a real (soon to be dead) tree on her way home from work. Regardless of what kind of tree it is, to spend our first Christmas together in our own house with a decorated tree was still cool. I snapped some pictures and posted them in the pictures section if you want to check them out.

Yesterday my Ami, my mom and I were out running around taking care of some errands and we saw this car backing out next to us full of stuff.. junk .. shit.. whatever… While in disbelief I managed to have the sense to hope out of the car and snap a quick picture…

I am just speechless… I had no words… eventually I laughed.. The inside of the car actually reminded me of my in-law house. I actually snapped some pictures so I could share with you but I have opted to hold off on that idea… for now.

Here is another one for you … I was kind of like .. well ok then… I am sure this is a prank of sorts, but to allow someone like myself to take a picture so I can share with all of you is well stupid…

So .. I took a picture and posted it on here for all of you to have perhaps a good laugh.. or even a slight chuckle.

Police: Student Uses Pen, Gun Powder To Make Pipe Bomb