The Life and Good Times of Mister Chris
Archive for April, 2007
Two Words…
Apr 30th
It has been brought to my attention more people then I realize visit this site and read all about the adventures of Mister Chris and his wonderful companion.. Well I am not sure what the to do is all about, but after having some interesting conversations Sunday night I think some things were mis read… *shrugs*
I will start with a quote from a bumper sticker; “I don’t have an attitude problem, your just an asshole..” It is and it isn’t that simple.. first off this website has been nothing but me telling you how it is from my eyes for several years.
If this site offends you and you come back, then nowayinhell is your crack. No matter how much you love me or hate me, you still come back. If I am wrong, then why do you keep returning and read what I post? Recently, I have been accused of posting rude remarks on here about the soon to be in-laws. Well I searched the site and nothing on here was disrespectful towards them(i.e. calling them retards, etc.) .. so I don’t know what the hell is going on with that… I also checked the other site and there is nothing on there calling my in-laws retards.
I have had people in the past address to me in person about what I say on the “web”. It doesn’t matter if it is members of my family, friends, or co workers I will and would address the issue with you in person. I would not nor will I hide behind this website to avoid confrontation. If I wasn’t able to address it in person, then I might post a virtual fuck you on this website to or about that individual(s). If you are the one in question of a virtual fuck you, then confront me in person about it.. do not go running to someone else, raising a stink because you have no balls, and then sick them on me to fight your battles. Grow a pair… or borrow some from a friend..
Yes I have talked shit, or made comments like cleaning toilet bowls, creating virtual characters on a video game, etc. Let’s take a moment to think about this and I mean really think about it. If a persons toothbrush was actually used to clean a recently shit-in commode wouldn’t you think one would notice the shit stains on the toothbrush? Hmm … I DON’T KNOW!!
Sure I make jokes about people and give them nick names such as druggie in law .. because it is funny!! do a search on your search engines about this site, and you will see this site is listed as entertainment!! That is what this web page is.. fuck you and have some fun!
Have a laugh, or take a bitch pill and enjoy some anal leakage….
In closing .. if you are one of the people I am referring to for having a stink about something I have said on here.. and you have never addressed it with me.. then I have just two words for you…
Take a Bitch Pill
Apr 28th
This morning Shawn and I were discussing how his girlfriend was always moody. He explained to me how one minute she was bitchy and wanting space. The next minute she would want to be cuddly, etc. I suggested to Shawn to find some bitch pills, and give her one.
This would help prevent his girl from being a bitch. Naturally, Vanessa is sitting a mere few inches away so the physical abuse doesn’t stop me from continuing the conversation. I explained to him how easy it would be. Since you couldn’t pin her down and force her mouth open like you can a cat or a dog. You would have to try alternative methods. For example just like a cat or dog you could just wrap the pill in a piece of cheese or in her food so she could unknowingly take the pill!! Chocolate was also suggested but that would back fire..
The side affects of course would be anal leakage, loss of labito, …. *shrugs* then there could be like other types of bitch pills like she could take one when you want her to shut the fuck up and cook dinner… or laundry.. work on the car.. let you watch sports with your friends… the opportunity to stay out late and get hammered with your buddies.. you get the idea… *smiles*
What the fuck is this?? Now guys and gals can’t just go up to real people in a bar and strike up a conversation with a probability of getting laid? This is so stupid!! Cherry Tap Sorry … but I want real hottie hoes bringing me my beer, and drowing myself in beer while sitting at a table surrounded by real friends. If you resort to internet bar’s to do your hoe hookups then you just need to never leave your parent’s basement…
Seriously if you can’t go up to a real girl and strike up a conversation and possibly get laid then you have issues. Besides.. if its the rejection from women you can’t handle, then you are doing it all wrong. When the girl tells you to go fuck yourself, place a bitch pill in her hand and walk away…
It could turn things around … if it doesn’t then at least no one else will be hitting on her cause she will have anal leakage.. hee hee…
Oh yeah and if you are ever bored, possibly suffering from anal leakage yourself, and in need something to read while you are taking a shit. Take out your cel phone, get on the web and type in the url for this site. You will not be able to view the menu’s but you can read the main blog… it might help pass time. *shrugs*
To Hell With Home Owners Association…
Apr 27th
Where I live it is infected with Police officers living in the neighborhood, and we also have proud members of the home owners association. If you have ever had any contact with the home owners association then you can agree with me they are a collected group of ass bags.
Last night I went out to get some food for Vanessa. When I pulled up to the front of the house someone was yelling at me to slow down. Now I knew I was going the speed limit, so I ignored him when I decied the food would get cold before I was done telling this person to go fuck himself. As I was walking inside he continued to yell out to me to see if I was listening to him.
I went inside and gave Vanessa her food. Appearently the home owner guy called spoke with mommy in law about the matter and started bitching to her as if she would care. The following morning, mommy in law, father in law, jordo and I were all discussing the matter amongst ourselves. The Father in law was telling me how he wants to punch this guy in the face, the druggie wanted to do something evil to him also, and now I wanted to hurt this guy. With in moments we were conspiring to get revenge on this guy for being an asshole to us over the years.
Have you ever watched grass react to a bag of rock salt? Do you think it might spark the interest of one’s fellow home association friends? *shrugs*
I have a new bonehead .. I could have named it tough guy.. but instead I went with, I want to return this.
Battle Of The Blogs…
Apr 26th
Much like battle of the bands but that show sucked.. so there you go…
I short while back I mentioned how my wife and I purchased ichrist.org. Since I do most of my staining of the internet on this web page. I do not really offer much on ichrist. However that does not mean I won’t ever do anything with it, but more of a time thing. Some day I would actually like to sit down and do the family tree, etc.
Since I have not had a chance to complete the pending projects on ichrist, my wife bless her heart posts random blogs about whatever is on her mind. This is where the battle of the blogs come in to play. I will run my mouth about whatever is on my mind and instead of posting a response in the comments field provided at the bottom of each post she instead responds on ichrist where readers have no idea what the hell she is talking about.
I told her if she is going to rebuddle then she needs to link the post she is referring to on this site, but she has yet done that.. Instead, she comes accross as an autistic blogger… hee hee
So there the battle continues…
Regarding her response from yesterdays post on this site.. click here. First off this is my webpage and if you cannot keep up with my all over the place posts and mind dumps, then stop reading it … *wink*
Second you generally put more miles on the truck then I do so.. yeah you are driving the “said vehicle” most of the freakin time! Our child would be much better off learning to drive from me rather then you.. either way the other motorists are screwed!
Internet ADD? *extends middle finger* I have news for you the person in the speaker at the drive thru listening to your ADD probably needed a cigarette or a joint after dealing with your scatter brained ordering ass!! I know how you order your food in a drive thru, years ago I had to put up with it on the other end of the speaker too!
Finally.. did it ever occur to you that I pourpusly post things on this site just so to see how long it would take for you to read it? I have news for you sweet heart you are not the only person I do that to either…. keep the names anonymous k?
I love you way more!!
He got away …
Apr 25th
The bosses came in, did their song and dance for about an hour and like that.. they were gone. This also means my bathroom was not cleaned, which means he will be back soon enough.. I was very disappointed… *sighs* that’s ok though.. the longer he waits the sweeter it will be.
I was however told by my boss, my store is one of the best in most of the key company focuses so that was good thing…. Although there were a couple of small concerns I am still one of the ones on the top of the mountain in our district. *smirks* At least I don’t have to send him daily emails about every little damn thing I do.. I really hated that…
It would seem John McCain thinks he has a chance in hell for Presidency.. I think perharps putting a necktie on a steamy turd and pushing it’s campaign for R-President would stand a better chance then the special olympic batch of retards whom represent the republican party.
My wife almost blew up my truck this afternoon, I guess occasionally checking the oil didn’t seem that important until the truck starts making incredibly strange rattling noises… This is one of those over looked exceptions when men are allowed to punch their wife square in the face for fucking up their truck. Perhaps you think that brings out the hillbilly in me, but if your intellegence rivals that of a pool urine I would agree with you. Don’t mess with a mans truck.. period. Alas the truck is fine and I will just check it myself when I am driving.
I finished off my DVD collection of the Batman Beyond series. I never understood how a cartoon series with an animated movie which did so well ended up only lasting three seasons. The animation was just fantastic. We are talking about Warner Brothers… *shrugs*
So now I have to go find another TV Series or a series of some sort to collect after I watch Batman Beyond… Maybe NCIS.. I would get the Soprano’s but I refused to spend that much money for one freakin season.. sorry.. *shrugs*
I think that is it for now … I am sure there is shit I should be doing…
Toilet Bowls.. The Druggie.. The Police.. and True Crime..
Apr 24th
Last night I gave my friend Shawn a prepaid phone I had lying around the house… trying to remember why I ever owned a pre paid phone remains a mystery. However I know I kept it around because it has a really cool blackjack game on there.
Why did I give him the phone? Simple… with a prepaid phone it will show a whatever phone number.. am I insane? Yes.. but if the phone was to be traced back it would show it was registered to a Harry Butts, and then to Denny Crane.. the trail would be cold.. thank you for playing…
Speaking of cleaning toilets… my two bosses will be visiting my store tomorrow. Regardless of the visit being good… or.. bad.. my direct boss has to clean my bathroom tomorrow.. a task which my entire staff is looking forward to. The event will include pictures being taken while he is scrubbing away. I am sure the captured media will be posted on here with possibly a video.. we shall see.. *smirks*
I find it interesting my boss and I first started off butting heads for various reasons when we first started working together in October of 2006. Now I just fuck with him when ever it is necessary. He is almost like a villian to me, but more like in a tv personality kind of way (Like Mr.McMahon or Eric Bischoff in WWE / WCW) then in real life. With that I believe he and I are have a good working relationship. I feel he has been a pretty good guy about helping me when I need it and letting me just fix the problems when they are addressed… that is very… very… very good!
A lot of the time, it really is fun being me..... *laughs*
I have refound my interest in True Crime: Streets Of LA. I managed to pop it in for old times sake the night before last and found my previous saved game was last accessed in 2004. Appearently I have been busier then I thought. First I downloaded the latest cheat codes from the internet onto my jump drive and loaded them into my codebreaker for the PS2. Then I chose infinite health, and ammo, I managed to tour the streets of L.A. shooting criminals with my weapons of choice instead of arresting them. When all the bad guys were dead I would frisk the pedestrians just to piss them off. Eventually my shoot now, questions are a waste.. style of law enforcement would eventually lead me into a showdown with my brother officers.
That was fun at first but they wouldn't stop bothering me so I could go solve more crimes.. so the ones whom wouldn't leave me alone were dealt with. After a while it was like a virtual shoot out between the police as they were all so obsessed with stopping me they were annihilating one another in the process of taking me out.. quite a fun game..
I might have to check out True Crime: New York.. but then again it might suck.. Just read the reviews.. looks like it sucks..
I have to tell you once again .. if you do not own a DVR fucking get one. I just watched four hours of television in like an hour and a half because I fasted forwarded through all the commercials and the shit that sucked... I should be a spokesperson for DVR's or Tivo.. my motto would be .. so you can skip the shit that sucks.. and have Beavis and Butthead like demo it .. then again they might not be smart enough to understand how to use it... *sighs*
Oh yeah and Cheney Celebrates Earth Day By Breathing Oxygen
I think that is it for now .. Lot's to get done today...
Up, Up, Down, Down, Left.. Right.. Left.. Right.. B..A…B..A.. Start
Apr 21st
Geez.. is this the week for violence or what? First we had Kung Pow Chicken and the Virginia Tech Shootings then we had the Nasa hostage stuff too! All of this makes me want to go load up my emulators and play some Contra…
It sure beats hearing or reading about Anna Nicole… hopefully all of that bull shit is dead and buried.. get it.. hee hee…
I get two calls from the security company of my store last night freaking out about the balloons setting off motion sensors… it would be funny if they weren’t trying to call me while I was having sex.
I had to swap out my fuckin phone again as it was under warranty. Hopefully with in a couple of weeks I will have the Treo 700. After all my debating about phones and going back and forth over which phone to purchase and why.. I think I have finally made up my mind about the phone. I like my Katana but it has been giving me a lot of problems as of late..
I did manage to install AIM onto my phone so if you are ever in the Aol Instant Messenger neighborhood and you ever want to “chat” look me up… aim screen name: mobiledamage
Last night Vanessa and I ate dinner at mom’s house. She cooked Taco Salad while I performed surgery on mom’s computer. She has been freaking out for a few days about how she can’t get online with her computer so she had to use the one I left over there as a back up. Appearently her computer locked up and then it wouldn’t power back on after she shut it off. I pressed a few buttons, un plugged the computer and then it turned back on… what can I say.. I am a genious… *snickers*
I have a feeling that although today is an early day for me, it is going to take forever for the clock to reach four oh time to get the fuck out yo! *groans*
Dilbert and The Hitcher..
Apr 19th
Last night I decided to check out the movie, the hitcher… now I figured since I had heard of the movie by accident it probably wouldn’t be all that great… I was wrong.. it wasn’t just all that great, it was a piece of shit … too many holes.. too predictable.. the only good parts of the movie was the teasing of gratuitous nudity from Sophia Bush.. Some of the death scenes were cool and I was surprised to see that guy from Walking Tall play a cop, his role sucked in this movie too but you know .. Oh!! and you have to love the scene where they guy driving down the road in a classic Trans Am while maintaining control of his car knocks out four police cars and shoots down a police helicopter with a pistol… then he just speeds away like nothing was damaged on his car.. the movie was crap..
I want to hear four words.. I want to hurl…
Quite a yummy piece of ass she is.. the shot gun makes it even kinkier… I know .. I know ..I am married..
I think I have said all I had to say yesterday about the whole Virginia Tech incident.. I guess after re reading the post I was a bit… passionate about the matter. I will not apologize for my view points, nor will I ever… this is my website I say what I want say and do what I want to do … if you liked it great… if you didn’t well you know what to do …
Finally … I got another Daily Dilbert which really hits the nail on the head. I sent it off to a bunch of people, some thought it was hysterical, one was concerned for my feelings of appreciation (I sent it to my boss), another person like flipped out and was like bitching for rehashing or some shit… anyway here it is .. I am sure most of you will enjoy…
Wacked Out Week, and it’s Wednesday
Apr 18th
Wow… I have been away from here for a couple of days.. and I posted before I had heard of all the crazy shit going on .. I am sure most of or all of you had heard about the shootings at Virginia Tech.. My wife didn’t know anything about it when I mentioned it this morning … *rolls eyes*
The part which lights my ass is on CNN.com the headline reads, We could not have known.” This is a bunch of crap! Sure people are going to blame the usual, video games, MTV, magazines, and the internet. (from what I understand Dr.Phil is already pointing the finger I am sure that worthless pile of crap Oprah will campaign on it too.) Instead, why not try something different and take responsibility for being a complete retard!!
When you read in the news; “Falco was the playwriting professor of Cho Seung-Hui, an English major who police say killed at least 30 people on the campus before committing suicide.
It was in Falco’s class that Cho wrote the two plays, “Mr. Brownstone” and “Richard McBeef,” each full of violence and profane rants that his classmates found disturbing”
Now am I saying it is the fault of I am too fucking clueless Professor Drumstick (Falco)to go, “Hey this kid has issues I bet he beats off thinking about standing somewhere up high and popping off classmates!” no.. but for the teachers to play stupid and go.. “We did all that we thought it was reasonable to do.” CRAP!
The fucking students were smart enough to be concerned why weren’t you! As always with in hours, or days there will be people like Dr. Phil McDumbshit However if it weren’t for Rockstar games(GTA Series / Bully), MTV, World Wrestling Entertainment, Playboy Magazine (angry masterbation), the Motion Picture Association of Ameria, or possibly the recording industry then there wouldn’t have been any psychotic play writing about demented scenero’s involving a characters stepfather or old people! Isn’t that right? No.. sorry .. you are wrong… This just twists my stomach into a knot.. the incident is horrible but the finger pointing is just pathetic and people like Dr Phil and his big butt bitch Uproar.. I mean Oprah will make all kinds of money sharing their view point to a bunch of clueless sheep whom are quick to pass the blame onto something else and not take responsibility.
Now that I have secured my seat once again and you are still reading this, let’s move on to something more well about me… *smirks*
Yesterday was our annual meeting at work where a bunch of co workers were presented awards and people besides me won really cool phones (Red Razr, Treo 650, switchback).. fuckers thats ok though.. good for them.. any way I received a couple of awards myself because I am cool like that.. you could click on the link to see pictures of people with their awards, but the page has not been updated yet… my favorite part of the meeting was it ended at 3:30 not … five… or six… plenty of time to drink!! As always after every meeting we drink… then I went home and passed out …
I am actually pleased I was smart enough to schedule myself to go into work later in the day providing me the opportunity to sleep off some of the booze, and write offensive posts on my website about whatever. Regrettably I spent more time on myspace then I cared or wanted to. Only because I was searching for one thing and found another and before I know it I was sucked into the internet whore collective better known as myspace.
I think I will take my Virigina Tech insulting, in-law insulting, druggie tormenting, award winning ass upstairs and go shower. I stink..
Site Updates and Building Shelves..
Apr 16th
Hmm… where to begin…
First off the fading / rotating pictures of me on the left is back thanks to raven…
Second I re did the menu’s at the top…
Third I removed the calendar on the left since there is an archives page now
Fourth I split up the boneheads again after making the fonts small on the menu bar
Fifth I uploaded some new pictures .. I think I called it cyber humping
And finally… number six… I reposted the mixed drinks pages after so many years of it being gone.
I think that is everything.. when I wasn’t working or breaking the site Shawn and I put some shelves up in my room to provide order for the DVD’s, CD’s, etc… it was quiet genius how I did it actually.. the room is unfinished so I hung up some shelves in between the studs.. pretty cool shit .. Vanessa was impressed.. yep sex for me…
I took a couple of pictures of the wall and I almost posted them on here but it doesn’t even show all of my dvd’s since I have not transported them all over yet … just trust me it looks freakin awesome… *smiles* and they aren’t all over the place either!!
Anyway… enjoy!